THE NEW EURO-ENGLISH

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become known as 'Euro-English'.

In the first year, 's' will replace the soft 'c'. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard 'c' will be dropped in favour of 'k'. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan haveone less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekondyear when the troublesome 'ph' will be replaced with 'f'. This willmake words like fotograf 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expektedto reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which havealways ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent 'e' in the languagis disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing 'th'with 'z' and 'w' with 'v'.
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary 'o' kan be dropd from vordskontaining 'ou' and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi blriten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tuunderstand ech oza.. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted inze forst plas.